“Zero tolerance” is that bold phrase that jumps into the room like a corporate cowboy. It shows up ready to shoot down every undesirable behavior in sight. Harassment? Gone. Discrimination? Banished. Whatever today’s HR buzzword happens to be? Obliterated. It’s an all-caps, neon-lit commitment that if you cross the line, you’re dead.

Except that… If live high enough on the org chart or happen to have a golden handshake with somebody on the board… Well, in those cases, “zero” magically transforms into “come on, let’s not be hasty.”

The result is predictable. Certain lucky “leaders” remain comfortably in their corner offices, while the rest of the workforce exchanges knowing glances over coffee. The louder you hear “Zero tolerance”, the more the exceptions become less exceptional… but at least the company gets to keep its “zero tolerance” banners up for the next quarterly Deck.

Written by

Maximilian ROI has spent thirty years inside organizations large enough to have a Vision Statement and self-aware enough to ignore it. He has run the offsites. He has said synergy in front of a board, with a straight face and a waterfall chart, and meant it.

Today, Max is the Dean of Steerania’s School of Bullshit. He describes this as his pro bono contribution to society. He takes the role completely seriously, which is itself the joke.

The dictionary exists because the language of business is a craft, and like most crafts it is easier to participate in than to explain. Max has decided, at this point in his career, that explanation is the more interesting option. He is not here to expose the system. He helped build it.